The Barnacle’s Fantastic Elastic Plastic Penis.

My buddy J. Matt studies sex allocation in hermaphroditic marine intertidal barnacles. In other words: How much should wet, salty, crusty she-males that live on the rocks invest in each of their naughty bits?

Barnacles are sessile (permanently fixed to a location, like a tree) crustaceans that maintain both male and female reproductive organs throughout the year, but they make their penises bigger in the fall when mating gets hot and heavy. But in addition to this seasonal change in the size of their trouser snake, barnacles can also sense features of their physical environment and use that information to change the dimensions of their John Thomas. If their neighborhood is crowded, they presumably needn’t invest much to fertilize their neighbors. When potential mates are distantly scattered, getting action can require quite a stretch. So barnacles make tiny tadgers when they’re rubbing against their consorts and lengthy dongs when their lovers are far.

The motion of the ocean can also affect how barnacles get it on. In protected coves, barnacle sex occurs unfettered by the destructive force of incoming waves. But when barnacles expose their Willies to crashing waves, they risk a fate I’d wish upon no functional male: breaking off the wang. Changing the length of the penis doesn’t necessarily mitigate this monstrous consequence, but making it sturdier at the base may help. Barnacles growing where the sex is ho-hum have a smaller diameter at the base of their schlong, while those growing where the sex is rough give it girth.

For a scientific description of this research, please read:

HOCH, J. (2008). Variation in penis morphology and mating ability in the acorn barnacle, Semibalanus balanoides. Journal of Experimental Marine Biology and Ecology, 359(2), 126-130. DOI: 10.1016/j.jembe.2008.03.002

For another bloggers take on this research:

Zelnio, K. Environment Shapes Barnacle Penis. Deep Sea News: June 17, 2008

Some of the euphemisms for male sex organs were inspired by the Monty Python Song:

“Isn’t Awfully Nice to Have a Penis”

Caterpillar Cloud

My undergraduate thesis, in Wordle Cloud form.

More Cephalopod

On my flight back from Seattle, the tv screen on the back of the seat in front of me kept replaying this video of Mark Bittman on NY TIMES. I have also heard from two people (independently) today that grilling octopus is worth a try.

I like Mark Bittman’s writing for the TIMES so far, and I am looking forward to reading this. As I stated in the last post, I am looking to reduce my intake of animals to balance out the last two weeks!

UPDATES:

Yep. My lifestyle makes it easy to drop meat pretty quick, based on his suggestions. Nothing new.

Also, Erik from MMMMMmmmmm DONUT… suggests this Bittman vid at TED. Its great.

UPDATE UPDATE: a good companion article to the vid

Seattle Eats and Cephalopod!

Just got back from the west coast, where I got to enjoy a variety of good food.  One highlight was the restaurant Senor Moose in Ballard, WA which serves an amazing variety of authentic Mexican flavors.  Agave margaritas, salsa verde, salsa puya, marinated chipotles, esquites (corn with epazote herbs and cream, YUM).  I had slow simmered pork with zucchini and panela cheese.

I also had to hit up my favorite sushi place in Seattle, Shiro’s.  I ate crustaceans, echinoderms, cephalopods, and fish.  I had live sweet shrimp, which was brought out in two parts, the raw body, and the tempura fried head, antennae, and legs.  This was the first time I ever ate those parts of the shrimp before.  They were crispy and delicious.

I also had a tako salad. That was octopus tentacles with some yummy sprouts… and I can’t remember what else. Darn. I always go to Shiro’s when I am in Seattle.  I sit at the bar and ask them to feed me whatever they want.  Its always worked out well, I love that place.

I went a little overboard with eating out, but I really enjoyed a lot of it.  I also went overboard with eating animal, and I am looking to get into eating a lot of vegetable matter now that late spring and summer produce are coming on the scene!